"Connect the cuts, connect the cuts...''
For weeks now, Mrs W and I have been doing this manic impression as we walk to the cinema.
And I guess that, and the fact that, at 7.15pm on a Monday, Screen 9 of Nottingham Cineworld was chock a block, should be a tribute to the marketing team of The Devil Inside.
For they have managed to sell a great big dollop of tripe.
The Devil Inside is as lame as three-legged donkey with no knees.
True, its trailer makes it seem spellbindingly scary - even to me who had my eyes shut to make sure that I didn't ruin any of the scenes which might have made me leap from my seat.
That topped with the eerie poster of the nun with the opaque eyes set everyone into believing this was going to be a classic thriller.
Well...the nun appears as an extra for about half a second.
As for the rest of the film, it is just a load of found footage nonsense.
It really is about time, the cinema-going public, decided to thumb their collective noses in the direction this movie genre.
It is an excuse for making cheap lazy pictures with low-grade actors.
But the worst thing about it is that it leads to an absolute catalogue of continuity howlers. There is, for example, supposed found footage which includes shots taken of a driver of a car yet no hand-held camera could possibly have been present.
But all of that aside, the simple fact is that The Devil Inside is not scary.
Indeed, when it came to a merciful end there were many folk in the predominantly young Nottingham crowd who seemed mightily peeved to have spent their money on such trash.
For the record, the plot surrounds a young woman (Fernanda Andrade) whose mother killed three people 20 years previously while herself being the subject of an exorcism.
She is now in a mental institution until in Italy (we never find out why).
Anyway, to cut a short story even shorter, the daughter enlists the help of two priests to try to drag Satan out of her mum's body.
This turns out to be an unwise course of action.
Of course, it is where the 'action' begins but if you have seen the Exorcist you'll have pretty much seen all of the 'shocks' in The Devil Inside (thankfully, there is no green puke).
We might have a giggle at the The Exorcist nowadays, thanks to the head turning and profanities but it was mighty unsettling when first released nearly 40 years ago. This is a horribly pale imitation.
Twice today I have been asked for my opinion of The Devil Inside but couldn't give it until tonight. My advice is unequivocal: save your money.
Laughs: none
Jumps: one (a barking dog was responsible).
Vomit: none
Nudity: none
Overall rating: 2/10