Ilford to Wood Green in 25 minutes?
That was my task because, after my Punjabi romance, I needed to take in this Turkish epic.
And I would have been in from the start if the box office had been open and I hadn't had to wait for four people to order sacks of popcorn and other goodies to go with tickets from the food counters (why do Cineworld do this at some of its cinemas at busy times?).
Anyway, the couple of minutes I did miss didn't affect my enjoyment of a rollockingly good historical showpiece (ok, Greek people may disagree).
Incidentally, according to wiki, 300,000 people worldwide saw it on its first day of release (Thursday February 16) and that is a record for a Turkish film.
Faruk Aksoy's highly ambitious movie tells the story of the against-the-odds capture of Constantinople by the Ottoman Turks.
But not only does it have action scenes which make its budget look far more expensive than its estimated $17million but it also gives a thorough examination of the politics of the time and the strain on the two opposing leaders Mehmet II (Devrim Evin) and Constantine XI (Recep Aktug).
I knew nothing of the great history of the Ottman Empire nor, indeed, Constantinople's so I soaked up the history of Fetih 1453 like a sponge.
The tactics of diplomacy and its fall-out on other countries and religions are fascinating. For example, the key role the Vatican had in disputes and how it was able to engage other allies in battle.
Of course, the internal wranglings of the rival camps and how much the two leaders were influenced by their advisors can only be conjecture but these play a vital an interesting part of the movie.
What I will remember the most, however, is the grand scale of the whole thing.
With the hindsight of now knowing Fetih 1453's budget, I have to presume that a team of CGI wizards were at play but it is fair to say they made 15th century Constantinople look very impressive indeed, as they did the Vatican.
The battle scenes are also breathtakingly good, with great use of explosions as well as hand-to-hand combat.
While Evin and Aktug would get deserved praise for their key roles there is a passionate supporting cast and a well-placed love story, involving Ibrahim Celikkol and Dilek Serbest.
Fetih 1453 is a considerable achievement and had me rapt throughout. What I can't understand is that it is only going to be shown on the only two screens (Cineworld Wood Green and Odeon Lee Valley) which specialised in Turkish films.
It deserves a much wider audience in the UK and measures up well next to the foreign films which are seen at art houses across the country.
Laughs: none
Jumps: none
Vomit: none
Nudity: none
Overall rating: 8.5/10
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